We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
