I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
