wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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