New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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