I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize