I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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