I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
