the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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