Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
