i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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