You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
