The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
