Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
