my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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