Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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