He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
