Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
