I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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