you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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