you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
