It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
