I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
