Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
