I smell stomach acid.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
