he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
