I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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