Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
you made out with another girl for some wings
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
