8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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