What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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