once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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