I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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