I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize