If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
