dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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