He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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