saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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