i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
