I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize