Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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