i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
