took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Someone came in the potted fern
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
