I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
