I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
