Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize