So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
