Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
