One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize