Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
