If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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