for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
