I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
