He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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