I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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