I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
