Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my sisters under your porch take her home
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
the liver wants what the liver wants
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
