Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Is Oprah even human
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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