dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
