I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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