Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
