i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
