Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
