I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
