Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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