Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
