Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The best revenge is premature balding
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
