I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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