I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
