so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
