wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
They left me at home... I'm a liability
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
