As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I need a beard to bite.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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