you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I need to calm my uterus...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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