I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
